I’m in my early 40s, I have one child. After a few years of trying and failing to sustain a healthy pregnancy, I learned that without the use of donor eggs pregnancy was no longer possible. I was in late stage perimenopause. I was unprepared for the vision of our family to change; unprepared for the physical, mental and emotional symptoms of perimenopause; and shocked by the lack of readily available information.

I’ve had a variety of symptoms spanning several years. As I tried to calmly explain each of the bodily mysteries to my partner, I couldn’t help but wonder if I had become a hypochondriac. 

Why do my feet ache every morning? Solid workouts? 

Why do I wake up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat from the waist down? This is sweat, right?

Why can’t I remember everyday words? Brain tumor? 

Why does it feel like I’ve been kicked in the vulva but only on one side? Is that a UTI coming on? 

When did I become this frail, failing old person? I eat well, I exercise, I work, I do daily logic puzzles!  

Why am I so ANGRY?! 

The upshot: I am not a hypochondriac. It’s normal – my first menopausal relief. Will there be more relief to come in this strange party favor bag of aging?

Obviously menopause is not new. How is it that I first questioned my own sanity instead of knowing the symptoms of perimenopause? How can something that half of the population is destined to go through be so limited in support and information? How does it change how we see ourselves, how we relate to our partners, and to society at large?  What is the impact of menopause professionally? Where is the information and the investment in our health for the second half of life? What message are we sending to menopausal people?

This is the project’s beginning, an effort to ask questions and to hear what people have to say about their experience. There are many ways to show what menopause is and how it feels, and the questionnaire will inform photographs and text. This is meant to be a collaboration based on a common goal – to help make menopause more mentionable. Photographs aren’t going to solve the mysteries of menopause, but sharing experiences certainly can’t hurt.